A huge thank you to Charmaine (of High Desert Diva) for so thoughtfully featuring me and Kana in her lovely blog. The warm thoughts and condolences from her and her many readers who saw our story were wonderful and really mean a lot to me. There's a well-appointed spot for you in heaven, Mz. C!
This has been a very tough year. It actually started a bit more than a year ago with the death of my favorite relative in late November of 2007. My father's good friend died in February of last year, followed by my own father* in July, and a dear family friend in November. Not that they are the same (they effect our lives in a different way), but beloved pets also gone are Deb's Charlie, Cindy's Bruiser, my brother's Sandy and now my Kana. These personal tragedies (there were others), along with war, famine, drought, economic turmoil, etc. etc. have left me feeling a certain level of numb.
I guess I knew, but in the last few days with Kana gone, it's become very clear the level of structure she added to my life. My day started with a dog walk, ended with a dog walk and in between I was manuevering my work, errands, etc. around her parktime, pets, feeding and all. I've been at loose ends not only because of her death, but because I sort of don't know what to do with myself (and really don't feel like making jewelry right now). One moment of clarity came when I was out at a store yesterday and realized that no one, anywhere was expecting me home.
*No, I chose not to write about the trips back and forth to Miami, my father's death or the on-going process of dealing with his estate. It was too personal and too painful.